Confessions of a Housewife

I really hate laundry. Like, with a seething, undying passion. The backdoor JERK neighbour has this overgrown flame tree that hangs over my clothesline encouraging all kinds of creepy crawlies to live in my peg basket. I grew up with a hippy father who didn't like us using electricity unnecessarily so I know that the dryer is bad.. but I totally wait for days like today to actually do the laundry. It's raining, oh well, I'll have to use the dryer!

I have never cleaned my bin. Hubby had a little fit a few weeks ago when we awoke to maggots, yes maggots, on the kitchen floor. It was putrid and terrifying, but I still haven't cleaned the bin. What's the point? I'm only going to put more rubbish in it.

Whenever my mother comes to visit I turn into a mad scrubbing machine trying to make the house presentable. That is the only time my bathroom ever meets any kind of mould remover or glass cleaner. This is also the only time I'll dust. I like that the parentals don't visit too often because I wouldn't want hubby to get used to a bathroom that shiny.

Having confessed to these little feral undertones, my house is actually really tidy. I get really stressed out when there is shit everywhere. The beds are always made and ready for a certain three year old to jump on and mangle. The loo gets cleaned freakishly regularly because of that same three year old who is still learning to aim... can't stand the smell of wees on the floor! The kitchen especially is always clean. Well, except for nights when I'm tired and hubby has cooked (read- turned the kitchen into a bomb site). Those nights I rinse the crap and leave it for future Amy to sort out. Future Amy is always pissed in the morning.

I am a good cook. I chuck onions and garlic into a jar of anything and vòila! If I'm having a lazy night I just text Rick and tell him I'm cooking something new and innovative and he'll say he's eaten at work already. Then Axel and I eat toast.

Best. Housewife. Ever!

Confessions of a Newlywed

I really hate my husband's hair. I fully expected him to give up his 'grow it like Eddie Vedder' quest before the wedding day and thought he was joking when he showed me a hat he bought to wear. 

I spend a few nights a week in the spare bed because I cannot stand snoring. I don't know what my fate will be when the bed goes to make room for the baby's nursery. 

I secretly think I make better stirfrys than my executive chef husband.

I personally don't think marriage is a necessary institution, and I look at girls my age and younger who get excited over weddings as morons. I'm not a hypocrite; I just like to make my husband happy. I'm confident that we will go the distance, so in a way getting hitched was like making a wager on it.

I don't like some of my in laws. SHOCK! My husband doesn't like some of mine but he is much more vocal about it. 

Sometimes I sneakily throw dumb shit of my husband's in the wheelie bin on rubbish day. He hasn't noticed anything yet. I do the same with his 'favourite' undies when they get holey. What is with men and attachment to jocks? 

We have game nights where we play chess, monopoly, uno etc. and I cheat mercilessly. I don't usually win though, which is why I think it's okay.

Do you have any confessions?