Dirty little secret

So, I really dig hip hop. Australian hip hop to be precise, although I am a sucker for some Eminem (Rick banned me from playing him in the car due to a certain three year old declaring "Fuck you Debbie!" at the top of his lungs in Coles). I used to have a really good friend who was always pushing her favourite Australian hip hop bands onto me. We had a falling out and I was really confused at the dissolution of the friendship; I thought we were really close and had even asked her to be my bridesmaid but she dropped me like a sack of potatoes after I caught her out on a white lie. I was hurt at the realisation that I didn't place high on her friendship scale, but put it down to her age. And as I am a firm believer in all things having a purpose, I realise now that she was just put there to introduce me to the music. Cheers buttface!

Anyway, what I'm getting to, is this is my Sunday feel good song. And it's hip hop, so hence the coming out. I'm going to make this a thing.

I am feeling very good today. My husband has been having a very hard time at work so he took a few days off to spend chilling out at home. He's currently doing a dump run with my father in law, because that man doesn't know the meaning of chilling out. He lets things build up inside until he loses his mind and drinks himself into oblivion, but lately that has been so regular that I can see him flailing and trying to find another outlet.

So yesterday we jumped in the car and drove to the water. We spent the day at Redcliffe reminiscing about the last time we were there (our wedding!) and bathed ourselves in the sun and dipped our feet in the ocean. Axel enjoyed the awesome playground and we talked.

It was a beautiful day. Our circumstance at the moment has Rick working 12 hour days six days a week, and on the seventh he stays at home with our kid while I work. It is tiring but it is necessary at the moment, but it means when we get a weekend together we really make it a weekend. Soon we are heading over to his brother's house to enjoy a BBQ and swim in the pool with the cousins.

It's a good day. And this is a good song, yo!

Woooah - Freak Out

Yesterday morning at the soul crumbling time of 5am my cherub son woke me up demanding Mr Maker on tv. Mr Maker comes on at 7am I do believe, but you can't reason with three year olds. Anyway, I fumbled through putting on a dvd and peanut buttering some toast to buy myself another half hour in bed and took a pit stop in the loo. Then I totally freaked out. Bright red blood on the paper sent me into a dizzy spin and by 6am I was in the emergency room.

By 9:30 I was having an ultrasound to see my little blob who was wriggling away happily with the same high heart rate as last week. It turns out I had a uterine bleed that could've been caused by any number of things, but generally speaking not taking it easy. I do believe I might have picked up a giant tv last week when rearranging my bedroom, or it might have been all those times Axel pretends to go limp when I lift him out of the bath. Either way, it was a nasty reminder that pregnant women aren't invincible.

I am so grateful that it's all ok, and that the staff at the emergency ward took my concerns seriously. I don't even mind that the doctor botched a drip and got blood all over my favourite skirt.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I did something drastic over the weekend. 

Before - not a great photo but the hair
is past my baps

Tense Hairdresser who made me wait
15 minutes before snipping

After

I'm not sure what possessed me to cut 15 inches of hair off on a whim, but I feel so damn good. I got some pretty crappy reviews at work today, but what do 16 year old boys know? This is as close as I will ever come to giving myself a no.1, which lets face it would be pretty awesome. I don't have the balls. Maybe when I'm 40 (which is apparently how old I look with my new haircut). 

I also changed the furniture in my room. LOOK OUT CRAZY WOMAN OVER HERE.

You can't spell Funeral without 'FUN'

Today's link up for Edenland's Fresh Neigh Neighs Brigade is a discussion on funeral songs.









I haven't attended many funerals in my life (furiously knocking on wood), other than grandmothers and uncles and what not. I have been fortunate, and I am more than aware and grateful. My mother works in a nursing home so she goes to a funeral every other week. I really don't know how she does it, and more so how it doesn't eat away at her compassion. She amazes me constantly. 
Death has a weird affect on me. I am fascinated, terrified and obsessed. Recently an old uni friend lost her husband to suicide and it had me in a tail spin of research and reading stories and sobbing over remembrance facebook pages. My husband gets his undies in a bunch if I try and share a sad story with him; he prefers to bury his head in the sand when it comes to tragedy and it worries me that one day someone close to him will die and he'll just explode. I think that if I face all this horror that exists in the world maybe I'll be spared, or at the very least prepared. Probs not, I seriously doubt my ability to handle a crisis considering my life has been such a garden of roses. 
I have thought about my funeral a lot. I have had heavy periods of depression where I've planned it and written my own eulogy (yagoogley) in my head. Songs change up a fair bit depending on the circumstance, but I have always envisioned it to be really sad. I know it's selfish, but I want a grey day with everyone in black. Followed by a rip-snorting party where everyone gets shitfaced and has fights followed by hugs and laughs about how amazing I was. For now I'll have to work on being amazing so I leave a legacy worth remembering behind. 
Possible Funeral Song 1.


Possible Funeral Song 2.



To be honest, all of what I just said is untrue. I really hope that when I die the people I leave behind remember that I spent my life trying to be a good person, and that I really loved everyone. I hope they realise that my body is just going to become part of the earth and that it is completely unnecessary to spend time and money on what happens to it: bury me in a box or cremate me and throw my ashes out to sea, whatever - I don't care and nor should they! All I really want in my life is to raise my kids to be good people who treat each other how they want to be treated.


The end!

Saturday Morning Quickie

I am about to rush off to work, but thought I'd have a quickie blog before I go. If I don't you might start to feel neglected and become passive-aggressive around the house and start spending all your time out with friends while I'm at home alone, and then I'll start to become frustrated and insecure and the whole thing will blow up in a flurry of angry words one day over toast at breakfast and we'll both leave for work really stressed out and angry.

Wait, you don't work, do you bloggy? Never mind!

My little man is spending the weekend down the coast with his Nanna. I'm 98% certain his aunt actually high jacked him last night for a sleepover at her house which weirds me out to no end. Families are complicated, and in laws double time complicated. I don't hold my sister in law in the highest regard, so when I got a text from mum-in-law last night of Axel snuggled up in his cousin's bed about to go to sleep I got kinda antsy. It was always assumed he would be at his Nanna's. But as long as he has a nice weekend and they don't have a horrific car crash on the way home on Sunday I am happy. Until then, the anxiety will drive my weekend.

And now, it's time to go to work, on a Saturday. Boo.

Edenland's first meme!

The totally amazing and probably the greatest blogger ever Eden from Edenland has begun creating memes for me to enjoy. Pretty stoked. It's funny that the first one gives me a chance to have a play with the subject of an argument Rick and I had this morning. Eden asked us to share our handwriting. And Rick really lets it blow up his skirt when I accidentally come to have his pens at my desk or in my handbag. 

Rick is an executive chef, or what's known in the hospitality world as a pen pusher chef. He had a whinge to me this morning that I keep pinching his good pens that he has to go to the stealthy lengths to steal  acquire from the receptionists and his club. He reckons he is only allowed one at a time, so he swaps a near empty pen for one full of ink. Like this guy I had in my bag today: 

I'm not even that into them. I like ball point pens I can put a lot of force into; I think they make my squiggly swirly handwriting a little neater. But all's fair in love and war. Or what's yours is mine. Whatever, I have a lot of these pens hiding around.

I actually get to write notes all day in my new job and I really dig it. Previously I was working in a restaurant where everything had to be entered on a touch screen, and I was surprised at how badly I missed writing things down. There is a silver lining to working crappy casual jobs in hospitality some times - see also this lovely scone I brought home from work last night. Deliciously free, just like that pen!

The Sky Is Falling

My home town is copping it from a moody Mother Nature tonight, for the third time in as many years. My big brother's house is under water but he doesn't mind; he has more money than sense and the old fibro house is taking up space on some beautiful land. If he were one of those mythical males who spoke their feelings though, I'm sure he'd have something pretty heartfelt to say about all his quaint home and all his possessions. A very dear friend to my family has lost her home. Twice over she lost her belongings in the previous floods, and a car in the most recent one. This time her house was on stilts being prepared for raising, and that has rendered her insurance null and void. The tragedy is she wasn't home when the creek burst its banks- she was nursing her ill sister who is undertaking chemo in Brisbane.

Why so mad, weather gods?

Roma floods, 3/02/2012

In other news I am upstairs blogging tonight to avoid the Mogger effect again. Rick is stuck in the den listening to the most recent woes of Mogger's love life. I would be more interested in a rusty nail to the toe than the latest twisted turn in the love triangle that my friends are involved in.

Not much is happening here, except that I am the wicked witch of the house. Nausea, food aversion and serious cranky pants are the main symptoms of this pregnancy so far, and Axel is really hating on me for it. I am going to pull up my socks and try and make tomorrow really like-the-movies fun for him, hopefully. So that means no fights, no hysterical yelling, no plonking him in front of a dvd while I facebook, and something more substantial than spaghetti on toast for lunch. We will see!

And I'm out.