Friday, January 13, 2012

Woe is Mogger

I had big plans for all the matches that were to be made at my wedding. I briefed my single brother on the who's who of my single girlfriends and watched eagerly as he and his retro suit worked the floor. One friend in particular caught his eye.. but it wasn't to be. She also caught the eye of Rick's mate Mogger. As it turns out, T and Mogger were to be the only match made at my wedding.

You dig this suit, don't you?

Cut to this week and the honeymoon is so, so over for the T+M team. Mogger has been on my couch every night, sulking into bowls of my food and enjoying my liquor. He is sad, and he will talk your ear off even if you are blogging and totally ignoring him. For serious, guys. I need a plan!

My friend T does not like people messing with her business. Early in the piece Mogger came around asking me advice on women and let it slip that he has been banging my friend. I did the usual "WOOHOO" to her which in turn got Mogger inked in the bad books. So I don't know hot to approach her about the recent troubles. I only hear his side obviously, but I am a woman and I do understand the inner workings of her twisted mind, I believe. And I really want my evenings with the couch, remote and husband to myself!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Hot as balls

Brisbane has been suffering a heat wave for the last three days. Or summer just started. Something like that. And it is kicking my ass. They say a pregnant woman's body runs two degrees hotter. Add giant bloat and nausea to that and you get a woman swearing never to copulate with her husband again so long as she may still be fertile. This sucks! To add insult to injury my lovely preggified eczema is back with a vengeance. The worst thing about having a visible ailment such as eczema is the do-gooders who are sans-eczema who try and advice you on remedies to cure your eczema. Even though they don't know what the hell they're talking about. Makes me to want to scream. It's sort of like a model trying to tell a.. well me how to be attractive. It doesn't count if you don't have first hand knowledge of the ailment.

Today something really cool happened. Cool things seldom happen to me, so this really blew up my skirt. I was sitting outside the cafe finishing off my lunch when a lady walked up and asked if she could sit and talk to me for a seminar she was creating. We chatted for ten minutes or so about me, my life, my family, my hopes and dreams and plans for the future. Afterwards she shook my hand and thanked me and I got back into it at work. A little while later she came back with a gift bag full of goodies and the nicest card anyone has ever written me. Things like that just never happen! I was so touched and humbled and a little weirded out taking such gifts. My boss being the way she is went and checked the price of some of the things in the bag from the store and informed me she spent over fifty big ones.

Karma? Not sure, but I'm loving life! Not so much the sweaty heat..

Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Worst Blogger Ever

Ugh, I am so bad at blogging! Let me tell you a story about the time I was all over this shit:

Once upon a time I used to have an amazing blog, wordpress I believe, where I would share witty anecdotes and interesting stories from my life. I graduated to livejournal when I forgot my password, and after that I thought I'd jump on the blogger bandwagon (because.. seriously, passwords!). My life was no more interesting than now, but somehow I had all this time and dedication and energy. I was also a twitter aficionado and had an amaaazing follower to following ratio. I had numerous celebrity followers who would totally retweet my stuff. Chyeah, I was just so, so cool.

But then I went back to work full time and it all went poof. For months I have been standing on the side lines getting jeally over the social media networks I follow but don't belong in. It's sort of like high school all over again! But I don't mind, because I resolved to put myself back into this blog once I was staying at home again. Which I will be, in a few months. I can't wait! Barefoot and pregnant, here I come!

*chinks lemonade in a champagne glass*

I can't wait to tell my friends, but it's a bit early yet. Lucky I have you, bloggy.